I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
