i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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