I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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