I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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