we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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