i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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