I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
His nipple licking is glorious
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