I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
