Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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