I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
