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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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