i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have aggressive nipples.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
