i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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