brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
