I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
