Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
