I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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