yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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