I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
