Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
