also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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