Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
