Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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