She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
