apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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