**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
