we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i now understand why vodka
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
