sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so let's talk penis.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
