That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
