there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
