Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
And then my night got REAL pukey
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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