You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
