Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
