I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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