When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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