O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
