I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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