Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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