i permit you to call me
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
