I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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