still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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