capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
