What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
im holly from the hills drunk
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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