shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
