OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
