im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
