Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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