Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
