The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Also, beer. Big fan.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
