Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
