Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
