I just cut my nipple shaving
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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