If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
