Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
