Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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